The Anti-Resolution List

I am not exactly sure where the tradition of New Year's resolutions came from (and if I wasn't so lazy I could Google it and find out pretty quickly - but I am lazy - so no dice), but that is one list I am not about. I rarely make resolutions in time for the New Year and when I do I only follow through on these resolutions for a good two weeks. This takes its toll on a person with delusions of being a perfectionist so I have decided to rewrite the rules. I have an anti-resolution list of projects or goals that I have accepted I will never accomplish. Listed below from least to most challenging, for your viewing pleasure:

1) Set up a web cam on my cats' litter pans to monitor daily activity.
The reason for not doing this project is self-evident; actually planning for and implementing this project crosses the line. It would propel me deep into the hallowed halls of crazy cat owner - and I don't think turning back is an option. One may question why I devised this project to begin with -and the answer to that is simple: no reason.

2) Hand-make chocolates Juliette Binoche style (think Chocolat)
Like most ideas that will never come into fruition - this inspiration comes from TV (see #5 for another prime example.) I watched Chocolat and saw how the cacao beans were hand-ground and mixed into perfectly rustic little truffles and decided that was something I should do someday...but won't.

3) Buy a fixer-upper.
After a recent purchase of a new home, my husband and I were able to accurately assess our skills as do-it-yourselfers and found we are able to do little more than hang pictures. Even that was a struggle with the old plaster walls in our house.

4) Become a professional home organizer
In grade school I always kept a clean cubby and desk - always. During weekly time set aside to clean desks I would actually mess my desk up to be able to have a dramatic before and after. I would help those unfortunate, unorganized deskmates next to me to sort through pencils and papers and stack books by size. No pencil shavings or dried glue got past my trusty paper towel and cleaner. At home I was sent into my sister's room armed with trashbags to expunge the clutter and help her misguided attempts at decorating (a pack of playing cards splayed out on a nightstand.) But somewhere between being in command of a small desk cubby to a house something went awry. I leave only the following picture as all the proof you need on why I will never be a professional home organizer.

5) Compete in the Olympics
This may come as a shock to those who know me - but I have decided I will likely never compete in the Olympics (and not those Olympics, the Olympics - jerk.) Who doesn't get inspired after a good 12-hour daily shift vegging out in front of the TV watching the world's best athletes compete? When I was little these broadcasts would launch me into daydreams of competing as the next great rhythmic gymnast (I could definitely make a ribbon on a stick do those things) or bobsledder. Never mind that my parents had to fight me tooth and nail to even get 20 minutes of piano practice in...