A Serious Case of Affluenza

The only thing better than fabulously rich people are the fabulously rich and dumb. Today while watching a tv show, I heard one woman talk about the plights of the rich stating they must be aware of the affects of "affluenza" on their kids. This sounds like a very serious virus and I am all for more research to find a cure. But in my zeal to find out how one is stricken I came across some very interesting gift ideas to send the afflicted... (countdown to the most ridiculous)

6) Gold Flake Chopsticks
These are simple wooden disposable chopsticks that you would find at the bottom of your sushi takeout bag, but with a little bling. Tucked in between the two chopsticks are flakes of gold that sprinkle down on your food (or lap if you aren't paying attention, I guess) to make the experience magical. Reports state the gold is technically 94.4% gold, 4.9% silver, and 0.6% copper and cost $40 for two five-packs.

5) Silver Straws
The luxury company Christofle has really taken straws to the next level. Forget the loop-de-loop straw you used to have as a kid, these silver straws are replete with a preformed bend and for only $115 you get two in a little carrying case. Only $57 per straw?!?! Count me in.

4) Gold Flake Facial

Unlike an ordinary facial where some concoction of mud or chemicals is applied to the face, the Japanese have upped the ante with a 24K golden facial. Not sure exactly how it works but the phrase "cool water droplets seven times smaller than a normal steamer...helps the gold penetrate the skin" seems to give enough technical detail. You too can be plied in gold - apparently the technology has come to America and one session will cost you $400.

3) Golden iPod

In case you don't scratch up your piddly regular iPod enough, you can get a gold covered (18K) iPod shuffle for $19,000. For the rich/dumb combo we talked about the cost also comes with an unlimited 24/7 concierge service for assistance on using the purchased product. If $19,000 is out of your price range - as in too low - you can step up to an iPod nano or video.

2) Gold Flake Pills
Quite possibly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of are these gold flake pills. They serve no other purpose than for the outer capsule to break down once ingested and allow your bowel movements to sprinkle with beautiful 24K gold. That's hot. $425 worth of hot.

1) Platinum Keychain by Mercedes
I am sure there is a good reason for needing a platinum keychain...probably several good reasons, but I just can't think of one right now. For a mere $19,900 you can buy a Toyota Corolla (as in the whole car) - or a Mercedes Benz .90 brushed platinum keychain. Do your thing, playa.